After a 2013 school shooting, the NRA’s Wayne LaPierre, proposed the “Model School Shield Program”. The “Model School Shield Program” called for Congress to put armed guards in all of our 98,817 public schools. In other words, Wayne’s solution to more school shootings, was more guns!

Obviously, Wayne is right. That’s why after every school shooting, I jump on the More Guns Bandwagon. MORE GUNS IN AMERICA, IS THE ONLY SOLUTION.

The fact is that every law-abiding citizen and suburbanite needs to  be as heavily armed as possible.  The almost Academy Award winning Documentary  “Red Dawn” or the extraordinary remake reveal  true life threats. As these documentaries reveal, if the Cubans dont invade, then the North Koreans are sure too. If  for some bizarre reason neither invades, then we are guaranteed the Federal  Government with black hawk  helicopters in cahoots with the UN will surely invade. If you dont believe me, then ask Timothy McVeigh. If you dont believe Timothy McVeigh, well…

Either way, it is all the same difference. The Obvious solution is MORE GUNS. My only concern is that, as a result of political pressure from “the liberals”, Wayne LaPierre and the NRA have not gone far enough in their proposal. So I made my own proposal: ” Robb Fickman’s All-American  Shield Program”. My Program will protect All-Americans!!!

Here is  how the “Robb Fickman All-American Shield Program” will work:

1.  Schools- It is one thing to have an armed guard at the school, but what if he is in the bathroom or out eating a candy bar?   Under the “Robb Fickman All-American Shield Program”, I propose every teacher, administrator, custodian, lunch lady and bus driver  carry a gun.  These guns should be strapped to their body at all times.  I am not Pro-Choice, except for when it comes to guns. So, under my plan, every teacher, administrator, custodian, lunch lady and bus driver will get to choose their own gun. For instance, the assistant principal may be more at ease carrying a shotgun and wearing a bandolier, while the kindergarten teacher may feel more comfortable with a pretty little 22. calibre.  Let each adult in the school carry the weapon of their own choice and encourage them to carry the weapons in the open. Discourage concealment. That way crazy people will be less likely to attack and also the kids will just get more comfortable being around guns.  Also,  I see no reason for the guns to be holstered.  To be at the ready, it makes more sense to have the gun in your hand. So if a teacher can write on the blackboard with one hand and hold their loaded  45. caliber Smith & Wesson in their other hand, all the better. ( This might also cut down on kids misbehaving, back talk, tardies etc)

2. Kids- I said it is important for our kids to get used to being around guns at an early age.  The NRA  has target video games for kids that are fantastic!!!  The NRA’s ” Practice Range” which was rated for ages 4 and up allows for kids to get comfortable with an AR-15.   I think this is terrific and I am proud of the NRA for making this kind of game available to every child in America by making it free on IPhone and IPads. Great Job WAYNE!!!!   It is important that our kids get used to firing and get to be good shots. Under the ” Robb Fickman All-American Shield Program”, I propose that every child, in every school in America carry a gun. Kids as early as 4 years old can get NRA expert instruction on shooting.  All they have to do is watch the NRA ” Practice Range” video and they will be shooting great in minutes. Why do we need to arm every child in American?  Well, I will tell you why. What happens if a teacher goes to the bathroom and a lunatic shows up?  Well under my plan, that  lunatic will be looking down 30 barrels and eating lead. It we arm every child, each school will become like a military base with tons of guns and ammos. And we all know crazies hardly ever shoot up at military bases. So there it is. Every Pre-K  through Senior in High Shool will carry a gun of their choice. I do think that since we are talking  children and this is America and not Red China,  we must show some respect to parents. So I propose that parents help their kids choose the piece that is right for their child. Little kids might want to carry  a deringer.  But high school boys can easily carry semi or fully automatic guns. ( I forgot to mention, under my plan,  all good Americans will be allowed to carry fully automatic weapons.)  As an added bonus, because  they are under-age, there will be no need to run background checks on any school kids. So as soon as Congress makes the ” Robb Fickman All-American Shield Proposal” the law of the land, kids can immediately bring as many guns as they can carry to school.  This will  absolutely make schools much safer. Again, MORE GUNS is the Key. ARM every child and I guarantee schools will be a trillion times safer.  Some people have asked me at what age we should arm children? Well, I guess that depends on how you define life. Under my proposal all children, from the moment they are children should carry guns.

3. Babies in the Womb- I recognize that babies are children  at the moment the  father ejaculates.  So Under the ” Robb Fickman All-American Shield Proposal”,  all babies in the womb will be encouraged to carry guns.  Some people have asked me how I would arm babies in the womb?  It is not so very hard. If mankind could learn to live side by side with dinosaurs, then surely he can figure out how to arm babies in the womb.  With modern technology, little tiny guns can be injected into the womb and placed right into the babies little tiny hand. That is what I want for the  safety of our children.  This way the babies in the womb truly do get comfortable with the gun and they are born with the notion the gun is simply an extension of themselves. Why is it important to have all babies in the womb armed? I will tell you why!!!  What happens if some lunatic walks into the nursery and the assigned guard has gone to have a smoke?  Where will we be at then?  We will be in big trouble that is for sure. Those babies need a fighting chance and my plan gives them that and more!  If  Congress implements my plan and allows all babies in the womb to be armed, then at birth theses Babies will be ready for a firefight.  So, under my plan if the lunatic walks into the nursery while the guard is out, the lunatic will walk into a field of fire. Babies that are armed and know how to shoot will make every nursery in America safer.

These are just the first parts of my “Robb Fickman All-American” Shield Program”. Very soon I will roll out my plans to arm all dead people in the event they come back as good zombies.  We dont want a scenario where good zombies are left at the mercy of bad zombies. That is why we will have to arm all dead people who are good.  I will also soon roll out my  plan to arm every single pet in America.

Keep up the Good work Wayne LaPierre and the NRA…

Robb Fickman, American


  1. The Second Amendment to the United States Constitutin provides: “A well regulated militia, being necessary to the security of a free state, the right of the people to keep and bear arms, shall not be infringed.”

    As a writer inviting discussion, it seems only fair that you post the subject of your blog so that those less knowledgable are on the same page as you. Having read your blog and seeing your omission, I have added it here for you.

    And so, let me now address your post. First, without question, you win the award for sarcasm. The point you make is political and your passion cannot be doubted. Your reporting on the events and meaning of the Second Amendment are a bit lacking . For example, you forgot to mention April 19th. Of course, I mean April 19th, 1775. That was the day the British headed to Concord and Lexington to seize citizen arsenals ( not only for sporting events and hunting) but were met by citizen patriots we now call ” minute men”. Question 1: how many of those minutemen if alive today would approve of your blog? My answer, I think none!

    Let’s proceed a bit further to the Declaration of Independance itself, a sacred document that you have some knowledge about; and one you overlooked to mention in your blog. That document recognized that a People ( that would be us) may at some future time have to dismantle its government if it goes astray. According to the signers, if the government were to be become tyrannical, the citizens then had a duty to revolt. Question 2: how do a People perform their patriotic duty without weapons equal to the task? My answer is that they cannot (by the way, the British understood this one). Question 3: How many of the 56 signers of the Declaration, if here today, would approve of your blog? My answer, I think none!

    The history of the Second Amendment makes a few things clear. First, it is based on the concepts of power, readiness, and fear. “Power” means that the People have the means by which to guard against tyranny, i.e., each citizen has a personal right to possess a weapon before it is needed. “Readiness” means that the citizens, individually and collectively, have the right to possess weapons and use them if all else fails and a government becomes self destructive and tyrannical to its People. And finally ” fear” means the the government, knowing its People have the means to dismantle it if it becomes tyrannical, does not become tyrannical.

    Your blog speaks to a different kind of fear; one based on raw emotion and ignorance of liberty and the constitutional process. If the time has come to change the Second Amendment, then the only allowable means is by a constitutional amendment to it. To attempt a short cut change by a statute or presidential order is to chip away at the value of all other constitutional rights.

    Question 4: Can you think of any future domestic circumstances ( or world event ) where our government actually could falter and cayoss occur in our streets? My answer is that I can. Indeed, I believe my answer to be consistent with the beliefs of Jefferson, Franklin and Madison, to paraphrase, those that give up their own power (liberty / rights) for security, have neither.

    Finally, getting on to the topic of gun control, lets acknowledge some basic facts. One: there are some reckless, sick and evil people in this world and weapons in their hands ought to be a concern for us all. The reckless can be educated ( maybe), the sick need to be cared for and treated (if possible), and three, the evil must be guarded against and stopped from hurting the innocent. Two: politics and emotion are the formula for bad and overly oppressive laws. Third: no government has ever successfully lasted an eternity. Fourth: change is inevitable. Fifth: our rights are supposed be self evident and inalienable. Sixth: we citizens have a duty to speak with knowledge. Seventh: law ought to emanate from values. Eighth: if we remembered to do on to others as we would want them to do on to us there would be fewer laws. Ninth: We need to remember that We are a government of the People, for the People, and by the People – and not of, for or by a political party. Tenth: we have great potential if we remember that politically correct does not mean really or morally correct. Eleventh: numbers go on forever but we don’t. Lets make a difference, a good one, while we’re here.

    • Gary- My good friend. We will have to agree to disagree. I wrote a satirical response to Mr. Lapierre’s absurd suggestion that we put an armed guard in every school in the nation. I think it is a bit nutty and I doubt the sincerity of his proposal. I think it a non-proposal. So I mocked his suggestion by taking it to it’s logical extreme. I think the fact I was writing a satirical piece is self-evident by the title.

      To be clear, I support the 2nd Amendment and the citizen’s right to bear as many arms as they want to bear. It was not my intent to suggest that any American should ever have their right to bear arms infringed. Personally, I bear two arms every day. I have one on the right and one on the left and I hope to have them for the remainder of my life. I might be willing to sell my left for the right price, but that would not be right and what would I have left?

      You are a true patriot. I hope that you post on my blog as often as the fancy strikes you. I promise, I wont be such a thin skinned cry baby next time you smack me up side the head. Texas is very lucky to have you defending the liberty of so many.

      Your friend,

      Robb Fickman

  2. For the record, Robb Fickman is a supreme patriot. Although I find fault with his blog topic, I do not find fault with his heart or his passion for the Bill of Rights and for what is right. And so and to be clear, if I found myself in a foxhole on the battlefield of justice, I would want Robb right there with me!

    • Gary, that is very kind.

      Now I will introduce you to my Readers. Readers, allow me to introduce Mr. Gary Trichter, Cowboy Lawyer. Gary is one of the best DWI lawyers in this country. Gary has saved the liberty of more people than I can count. Gary has also served last year as President of the Texas Criminal Defense Lawyers Association. Gary stood up for All Texans and for all Defense Lawyers in Texas. Last year I sat side by side with Gary, Bennie Ray, and Earl Musick as we testified before the Sunset Commision about the Commission on Judicial Conduct.

      The Commission on on Judicial Conduct handles complaints against judges. In my estimation they are nearly worthless as more often than not, they do nothing to judges who engage in misconduct. Last year I called for the abolition of the Commission on Judicial Conduct as I consider them a fraud on the good citizens of Texas. Gary was far more diplomatic and effective in his comments. Gary is a natural born leader and he has as finely tuned a moral compass as I have ever seen. These are some of the many reasons I have urged Gary to run for Office. More on that in another Blog.
      Robb Fickman


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