After a 2013 school shooting, the NRA’s Wayne LaPierre, proposed the “Model School Shield Program”. The “Model School Shield Program” called for Congress to put armed guards in all of our 98,817 public schools. In other words, Wayne’s solution to more school shootings, was more guns!
Obviously, Wayne is right. That’s why after every school shooting, I jump on the More Guns Bandwagon. MORE GUNS IN AMERICA, IS THE ONLY SOLUTION.
The fact is that every law-abiding citizen and suburbanite needs to be as heavily armed as possible. The almost Academy Award winning Documentary “Red Dawn” or the extraordinary remake reveal true life threats. As these documentaries reveal, if the Cubans dont invade, then the North Koreans are sure too. If for some bizarre reason neither invades, then we are guaranteed the Federal Government with black hawk helicopters in cahoots with the UN will surely invade. If you dont believe me, then ask Timothy McVeigh. If you dont believe Timothy McVeigh, well…
Either way, it is all the same difference. The Obvious solution is MORE GUNS. My only concern is that, as a result of political pressure from “the liberals”, Wayne LaPierre and the NRA have not gone far enough in their proposal. So I made my own proposal: ” Robb Fickman’s All-American Shield Program”. My Program will protect All-Americans!!!
Here is how the “Robb Fickman All-American Shield Program” will work:
1. Schools- It is one thing to have an armed guard at the school, but what if he is in the bathroom or out eating a candy bar? Under the “Robb Fickman All-American Shield Program”, I propose every teacher, administrator, custodian, lunch lady and bus driver carry a gun. These guns should be strapped to their body at all times. I am not Pro-Choice, except for when it comes to guns. So, under my plan, every teacher, administrator, custodian, lunch lady and bus driver will get to choose their own gun. For instance, the assistant principal may be more at ease carrying a shotgun and wearing a bandolier, while the kindergarten teacher may feel more comfortable with a pretty little 22. calibre. Let each adult in the school carry the weapon of their own choice and encourage them to carry the weapons in the open. Discourage concealment. That way crazy people will be less likely to attack and also the kids will just get more comfortable being around guns. Also, I see no reason for the guns to be holstered. To be at the ready, it makes more sense to have the gun in your hand. So if a teacher can write on the blackboard with one hand and hold their loaded 45. caliber Smith & Wesson in their other hand, all the better. ( This might also cut down on kids misbehaving, back talk, tardies etc)
2. Kids- I said it is important for our kids to get used to being around guns at an early age. The NRA has target video games for kids that are fantastic!!! The NRA’s ” Practice Range” which was rated for ages 4 and up allows for kids to get comfortable with an AR-15. I think this is terrific and I am proud of the NRA for making this kind of game available to every child in America by making it free on IPhone and IPads. Great Job WAYNE!!!! It is important that our kids get used to firing and get to be good shots. Under the ” Robb Fickman All-American Shield Program”, I propose that every child, in every school in America carry a gun. Kids as early as 4 years old can get NRA expert instruction on shooting. All they have to do is watch the NRA ” Practice Range” video and they will be shooting great in minutes. Why do we need to arm every child in American? Well, I will tell you why. What happens if a teacher goes to the bathroom and a lunatic shows up? Well under my plan, that lunatic will be looking down 30 barrels and eating lead. It we arm every child, each school will become like a military base with tons of guns and ammos. And we all know crazies hardly ever shoot up at military bases. So there it is. Every Pre-K through Senior in High Shool will carry a gun of their choice. I do think that since we are talking children and this is America and not Red China, we must show some respect to parents. So I propose that parents help their kids choose the piece that is right for their child. Little kids might want to carry a deringer. But high school boys can easily carry semi or fully automatic guns. ( I forgot to mention, under my plan, all good Americans will be allowed to carry fully automatic weapons.) As an added bonus, because they are under-age, there will be no need to run background checks on any school kids. So as soon as Congress makes the ” Robb Fickman All-American Shield Proposal” the law of the land, kids can immediately bring as many guns as they can carry to school. This will absolutely make schools much safer. Again, MORE GUNS is the Key. ARM every child and I guarantee schools will be a trillion times safer. Some people have asked me at what age we should arm children? Well, I guess that depends on how you define life. Under my proposal all children, from the moment they are children should carry guns.
3. Babies in the Womb- I recognize that babies are children at the moment the father ejaculates. So Under the ” Robb Fickman All-American Shield Proposal”, all babies in the womb will be encouraged to carry guns. Some people have asked me how I would arm babies in the womb? It is not so very hard. If mankind could learn to live side by side with dinosaurs, then surely he can figure out how to arm babies in the womb. With modern technology, little tiny guns can be injected into the womb and placed right into the babies little tiny hand. That is what I want for the safety of our children. This way the babies in the womb truly do get comfortable with the gun and they are born with the notion the gun is simply an extension of themselves. Why is it important to have all babies in the womb armed? I will tell you why!!! What happens if some lunatic walks into the nursery and the assigned guard has gone to have a smoke? Where will we be at then? We will be in big trouble that is for sure. Those babies need a fighting chance and my plan gives them that and more! If Congress implements my plan and allows all babies in the womb to be armed, then at birth theses Babies will be ready for a firefight. So, under my plan if the lunatic walks into the nursery while the guard is out, the lunatic will walk into a field of fire. Babies that are armed and know how to shoot will make every nursery in America safer.
These are just the first parts of my “Robb Fickman All-American” Shield Program”. Very soon I will roll out my plans to arm all dead people in the event they come back as good zombies. We dont want a scenario where good zombies are left at the mercy of bad zombies. That is why we will have to arm all dead people who are good. I will also soon roll out my plan to arm every single pet in America.
Keep up the Good work Wayne LaPierre and the NRA…
Robb Fickman, American